Supporting Your Child Through Puberty: A Parent's Guide to Talking About Puberty, Growth, and Emotional Changes

 As a sex educator, I’ve had the privilege of leading in-person puberty workshops for 5th and 6th graders and their parents, guiding them through the complexities of puberty. Recently, after teaching a workshop, I was deeply moved by one particular interaction with a 5th-grade boy who asked me a simple, yet profound, question: “When will I start puberty?”

At first, I looked at him and said, “You’re likely already in it.” The boy paused, then asked, “But when did I start puberty?”

Without thinking, I blurted out an answer I had never shared before: “You started puberty when you had that really bad day.”

I continued, clarifying, “You know that day when you got home from school feeling absolutely exhausted, when your body ached, and you were hungry, but mostly, you were upset, and you couldn’t quite pinpoint why? Maybe what upset you wasn’t even that big of a deal, but it felt huge in the moment. That’s when you were starting puberty.”

The boy’s eyes lit up, and he said, “Oh! I remember that. That was in 4th grade.”

It struck me just how significant that moment was. Puberty doesn’t start with some big, dramatic physical change—like a voice drop or the growth of facial hair. It begins long before those signs appear, often with confusion, emotions running high, and a sense that something is shifting inside, even when we can’t quite name it.

How Do I Know If My Child Has Started Puberty?

Many parents I spoke with during the workshop didn’t remember their own “bad day” moments, but they did recall vividly the emotional challenges their older siblings faced when going through puberty. Some even shared that they didn’t remember experiencing these feelings themselves, but they clearly remembered witnessing the changes in their older kids, feeling the shock and frustration as these changes became apparent.

If you're asking, When do boys start puberty? or When do girls start puberty?, it's important to recognize that puberty begins long before physical changes like a deepened voice or menstruation. Puberty in boys can start as early as age 9, and for girls, it typically starts around age 8 to 13. However, the signs can be subtle at first—like mood swings, sudden changes in energy levels, or emotional outbursts. A growth spurt is often one of the first noticeable changes.

Puberty is an emotional and physical transition that happens gradually, not overnight. So, when your child starts to show signs of frustration, emotional exhaustion, or an inability to pinpoint why they feel a certain way, it could be their body beginning this major change.

Talking to kids About Puberty

When talking to kids about puberty, it’s crucial to approach the subject with care, honesty, and clarity. Puberty can feel overwhelming for tweens, especially when they are unsure about the changes they are experiencing. You can start by acknowledging that this process is different for everyone and that it’s okay to have lots of questions.

Encourage open conversations, and be sure to explain that puberty in all kids can affect their emotions, their body, and their behavior. Emphasize that it’s normal to feel confused or even upset as their bodies change. Remember that boys often experience the same range of emotions during puberty as girls, even though the changes may look different.

Parent Support for Teens and Tweens: The Importance of Compassion and Understanding

Many parents don’t remember their own puberty journey as clearly as they remember the challenges faced by their older children. However, whether you’re a parent of a tween or teen, it’s essential to recognize that puberty is a massive growth spurt—physically, emotionally, and mentally. Much like we support toddlers through their growth spurts, we must extend the same grace to our adolescents.

When your child is overwhelmed by their emotions or exhibiting puberty-related changes, don’t take it personally. Instead, try saying something like, “This situation seems to be upsetting you so much more than it may have in the past. It makes me wonder if you’re going through a growth spurt. Are you feeling exhausted or hungry? Do you feel stretched too thin? Is there anything you need?” This can help create space for your child to identify their needs and feel supported.

How to Talk to Your Child About Puberty

Talking to your child about puberty can feel daunting, but it’s essential for their emotional well-being and understanding of their own development. Here are a few tips for initiating those important conversations:

• Be Honest: Use clear, age-appropriate language to explain the changes they will experience. Puberty can feel like a mystery, and being open about it will help reduce anxiety.
• Normalize the Experience: Reassure them that everyone goes through puberty, and it’s okay to have lots of questions. Encourage them to ask anything that’s on their mind.
• Support Emotional Growth: Puberty isn’t just about body changes. Encourage your child to talk about their feelings, and remind them that their emotions are valid and part of this natural process.
• Offer Reassurance: Let them know that they can always come to you with questions or concerns. Make it clear that you’re there to support them through every step of this transition.

The Best Sex Education: Starting Early and Ongoing Conversations

The best sex education doesn’t happen in one conversation—it’s a process that should start early and evolve as your child grows. When it comes to puberty education, it’s crucial to provide information on emotional changes, physical development, and healthy relationships.

You can use puberty as an opportunity to discuss topics like boundaries, consent, and self-esteem. It’s also important to help your child develop healthy habits during this time—like getting enough sleep, eating nutritious foods, and managing stress. Encouraging emotional health practices like journaling or deep breathing can also help them process their feelings in a healthy way.

The Takeaway: Supporting Your Child Through Puberty

Puberty is a time of immense physical, emotional, and mental growth. It’s not just about the physical changes we often associate with puberty, like a voice change or menstrual cycle. It’s a gradual process that starts long before those visible changes occur. By understanding that puberty is essentially a massive growth spurt, you can offer your child the support they need to navigate it with confidence.

Remember, parents supporting their teens and tweens during this time can have a lasting impact on their emotional well-being. Be compassionate, offer reassurance, and encourage open conversations about puberty, sex education, and emotional health. With your support, your child can thrive during this important stage of development.

Learn more by checking out my Clarify Lesson Series.