Understanding Sex and Gender: A Critical Conversation in Sex Education

Sex education isn’t just about the physical changes that happen during puberty. It’s about helping kids understand their bodies, their identities, and the world around them. One of the most essential lessons I teach during my in-person workshops for 5th and 6th graders is the difference between sex and gender. It's a subject that eludes many people, and honestly, it's one that continues to evolve as language and cultural norms shift.

The problem is that over time, the meanings of sex and gender have been redefined, often to the point of losing their original meanings. It's no wonder that these two concepts can be confusing to kids, teens, and even adults. To help clear up that confusion, I like to start with definitions.

What is Sex vs. Gender?

Sex refers to the biological and physical characteristics that distinguish male and female. These are the traits that science uses to classify species for reproduction. In short, it’s the male or female biology that everyone is born with.

Gender, on the other hand, involves the behaviors, activities, roles, and societal norms that are expected of someone based on their sex. It’s how society associates being masculine or feminine with a person’s biological sex. Gender is shaped by cultural expectations, and it can be more fluid and less tied to biology.

A Hands-On Learning Activity: Defining Sex and Gender

In my workshops, I do an activity with the kids that helps them see these distinctions in real time. We start by showing a picture of a stereotypical woman—wearing a dress, heels, makeup, and carrying a purse. I ask the kids, "What sex is this person?"

Of course, the kids will eagerly respond, "Female! She’s a woman!" But then I follow up with, "How do you know?" They start to name the stereotypical signs like long hair, a dress, and high heels.

This is when we dive deeper into the difference between gender and sex. I ask, “Can a man wear a dress or have long hair?” They all pause, realizing that yes, anyone can wear a dress or grow their hair long. So how do we know this woman’s sex is female? The kids will point out physical signs like breasts, wider hips, and the lack of facial hair. These are biological markers that indicate her sex.

We then do the same with a stereotypical image of a man. This exercise demonstrates how much of our understanding of what it means to be male or female is shaped by the society and norms we live in, rather than being grounded strictly in biology.

Exploring Gender Norms: The Realization

After the exercise, I break the kids into groups. I ask the boys to list the things they love about being male and what they could do if they were female. The girls do the same. The lists are often filled with gender norms—the rules and expectations that society has about how people of different sexes should behave.

Boys typically love that they can play professional football, take their shirts off in public, and wear more relaxed clothing. Girls often appreciate their access to different styles of fashion, their ability to be stay-at-home moms, or be “girl bosses” with careers.

What’s missing from both lists? Rarely do the kids write about biological reasons for enjoying being their sex. They’re mostly celebrating the societal norms about what it means to be male or female, rather than appreciating their biological bodies for the miracles they are.

Gender Norms Are Not the Same as Sex

This exercise is fascinating because it opens up a conversation about how gender norms—the rules about how to act based on sex—are completely different from the biological realities of sex. Gender is fluid and changes based on society, culture, and time, while sex is about the physical body.

Once the kids realize this, we turn the conversation back to their biological sex. “What do you like about being male? What do you like about being female?” The answers shift dramatically. Suddenly, the focus is on body positivity and appreciation for their physical sex.

For girls, it’s often about the incredible abilities their bodies have to create and sustain life—like the possibility of pregnancy or breastfeeding. For boys, they might celebrate their strength, their ability to grow facial hair, or the fact that they can pee standing up.

This is when things get interesting. The room is filled with a deeper, more respectful understanding of both sexes. The kids realize that their bodies are amazing. These are the physical characteristics that hold them up, protect them, and give them the ability to do incredible things. There is a newfound respect for the miracles of the body—regardless of whether the person is male or female.

Why Values-Based Sex Education Matters

This is why values-based sex education is so crucial. Many people have strong opinions about how boys and girls should behave and what is considered “appropriate.” While I believe everyone is entitled to their beliefs and ideas about gender and sex, my goal is to help kids respect and appreciate their biological sex and their bodies for what they are—amazing, complex, and powerful. I want them to realize that these physical bodies are deserving of care, love, and appreciation.

Sex education for boys and girls should focus not only on the changes happening during puberty but also on building body positivity and self-respect. This is why I create values-based sex education programs—so parents can equip their children with the knowledge they need, while also integrating their family’s values around these subjects.

The Importance of Teaching Gradual, Ongoing Sex Education

It’s essential that sex education lessons aren’t just one-off events, but ongoing, age-appropriate discussions. Kids don’t need everything all at once. That’s why I offer online sex education lessons that parents can use at home, at their own pace. This gradual, steady approach to sex education for boys and girls ensures that children can digest information slowly and develop a healthy understanding of their bodies, their sexuality, and their identities over time.

Whether you are looking for a best sex education curriculum, or you want a structured online sex education course to support your family’s values, this approach allows you to integrate the information as needed, in a way that’s comfortable for you and your child. And ultimately, it gives children the tools to grow up with a positive, empowered relationship with their bodies, their gender, and their sexual identities.

Conclusion

Understanding the difference between sex and gender is just one of the many important lessons we need to teach our children. Through values-based sex education, we can equip kids with a strong foundation of knowledge that promotes self-respect, body positivity, and understanding. By teaching the facts about their physical bodies and opening up discussions about gender, we give them the power to appreciate who they are, inside and out.

If you're looking for a best sex education curriculum or need a structured way to start these crucial conversations at home, consider my online lessons designed to help parents and kids talk about sex and gender with confidence.

Start your Clarify Sex Education journey today!