The Special Role of Grandparents in Talking About Puberty, Sex, and Relationships

Growing up, I was fortunate to have parents who were intentional in having open conversations with me about puberty, sex, and relationships. My dad, in particular, used movies as a way to talk to me about the values I should carry into adulthood. We’d watch films together, and then, he’d casually (though not always comfortably) walk me through the sex scenes or the relationship dynamics, explaining his values around intimacy and connection. I always felt I knew what was expected of me and how to use my mind, body, and relationships as I grew older.

My mom’s approach was more tactical. She’d often catch me in the car for intimate, side-by-side talks about emotions, attachment, and the deeper consequences of relationships—not just the risks of pregnancy or STDs, but the emotional toll and how to handle life if things didn’t work out. She always spoke to me with love and no judgment, creating a safe space for open dialogue.

But one of the most surprising, yet incredibly impactful, sources of guidance I had growing up came from my grandparents. Both of them were kind, Southern people who took the time to talk to me about sex, relationships, and dating. For some, this might feel awkward or even unusual, but for me, it felt safe and natural. I knew they loved me unconditionally, and I didn’t feel any pressure to make the “right” choices based on their expectations—it was a different dynamic than with my parents. They spoke with wisdom and clarity, and I held their advice in the highest regard.

I’ll never forget the call I received from my grandmother when I was a freshman in college. I was about to visit my boyfriend for the first time, and she wanted to talk to me about the power of emotions in sexual relationships and the importance of guarding my heart. The conversation was a little awkward, but it was deeply meaningful to me. Even though I didn’t follow all her advice, the fact that she cared so much about my emotional well-being and self-esteem was a gift I carry with me to this day.

It didn’t end there. When I got engaged, my grandfather pulled me and my fiancé aside to have a conversation about the importance of sexual chemistry in marriage. He shared how essential it is for both partners to be comfortable with each other’s bodies and to prioritize pleasure. He spoke about watching marriages fail because the sexual connection was neglected, and he wanted something better for me. While this conversation might seem uncomfortable for some, to me, it felt like an incredible expression of love and care.

Grandparents, You Have a Unique Role

So what’s the takeaway here? Grandparents, you hold a special place in your grandchildren’s lives—one that’s often more open, less complicated by judgment, and uniquely positioned to offer wisdom. You have the freedom to share important, sometimes uncomfortable, messages in a way that parents might not be able to, simply because of your role as a grandparent. And that matters.

Parents and caregivers, I’m not letting you off the hook! But I want to put this out into the universe: families are in this together. All the loving adults in a child’s life—whether parents, grandparents, or caregivers—have a powerful influence on how a child understands their body, relationships, and sexuality. This influence can truly shape their lives for the better.

I know how much the conversations I had with my grandparents impacted me, which is why I developed my Clarify Lesson Series—a resource designed for parents, grandparents, and caregivers to openly, lovingly, and clearly communicate foundational, fact-based information about puberty, sex, and safety.

Together, we can help our children and grandchildren navigate growing up with confidence, clarity, and love.